Ninja R: yeah...your comments about the first one, xxxnakedangelxx?

Samurai B: She's a prime example of exactly what I began to notice every time I look at a picture of a female with 'angel' in her name.  She's obviously a prime catch: wow, a soon-to-be single mother, who's only 4 months pregnant, so you got 5 months of fat, bitching woman left.  I know i'm getting in line now to talk to this one.

Ninja R: Her name implies she's naked.

Samurai B: Her husband probably kept her clothes.

Ninja R: Is there something on the end of her finger or does she have it there for effect?

Samurai B: Based on her general level of enthusiasm, I'd have to guess her hand is there to help hold her fat head up....why this woman wakes up each day is a mystery to me.

Ninja R: Maybe that's some kind of Oklahoma chick thing.

Samurai B: Nah, I've been to oklahoma a few times; you can't really blame it on the state.

Ninja R: Yeah...I think they have cows there, but they don't look that bad.

Samurai B: Do we have to?

Ninja R: Was the first one that hellish?

Samurai B: This just isn't getting any better, that's all.

Samurai B: She's got two pictures.  I guess it's added punishment.  It's ok, I am willing to pay my karmic debt.

Ninja R: The camera didn't break after the first picture, so she took more.

Samurai B: It may not have broken but it's fading fast.

Ninja R: I'm not sure if she's ever going to find TRUE LOVE like her profile says.

Samurai B: It must have slipped away, as her weight slipped up and up.

Ninja R: Maybe she sat on it?  Killed it? Choked it out of existance?

Samurai B: Perhaps...she doesn't appear morbidly obese.  She has many small failures that accumulate to form an overall angel persona.

Samurai B: Big ass hair, big ass nose, couple of chins...and everyone has a television, they can see the times changing, there's just no excuse anymore for that kind of hair.   Y'know, they have specific surgeons to address these specific shortcomings.

Ninja R: They're called morticians.

Samurai B: Now, she's trying to do the whole topless thing to be all seductive...and notice, in the focused picture, she's all done up with about 4 layers of makeup.  She specifically got prepared just to be on cam.

Ninja R: She wants you to overlook her fattness TO SEE THE TRUE ANGEL INSIDE.

Ninja R: Her site was terrible...had some shitty redneck song playing.  I guess what it comes down to...angel or not?

Samurai B: There's nothing angellic about any online angels.

Name: You can call me Angel. If you're real lucky, you can call me Lola.
Location: Orange County
Gender: Female
Marital Status: Single
Hobbies & Interests: I have a lot of hobbies so just ask me. I'm a BBW.
Occupation: If I told you then you wouldn't like me :(
Personal Quote: If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and squirt it into other peoples eyes. Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck was my ceiling!

Samurai B: *sigh*

Ninja R: If you're lucky, you can call her Lola.

Samurai B: Yeah, if you're really lucky, you won't call her at all. I can actually see cellulite on her ARM (in the first picture).  Any chubby chick can do ass or leg cellulite, but on the arm is really kicking her game up to the next level.  There's nothing like a woman who's body is rippling seductively with hail damage...to make you stop eating.

Ninja R: ROFL.  I thought she was dead until I saw the second picture next to the other one.  Maybe she's just relaxing after a big meal....Los Angeles, maybe.

Samurai B: Now the quote is kinda funny...but she knows damn well they cut her ceiling out to get her out of her room.

Ninja R: where there's a will, there's a way.............. I wonder what her occupation is that would make people not like her...I already don't like her.

Samurai B: What kind of person would like her?  Perhaps you have to think like someone who would like her to come up with what they wouldn't like.

Ninja R: I think it's feeding the other whales in the tank. Well...the sporting goods salesman...when she goes in to buy new clothes, the regular salesperson just points her to the sporting goods section for a tent.

Samurai B: I got it!  She's a health inspector.

Ninja R: Why do you say that?

Samurai B: If you're someone who works at a food place and you see her coming in, your first thought is going to be cha-ching, score.  When you find out she's there as a health inspector, you're not going to like her any more.

Name: Ask Me!
Location: Walton County, Georgia
Gender: Female
Marital Status: Bi-Sexual Female!
Hobbies & Interests: Hobbies - hiking, camping, hunting, trout fishing, being in the mountains, etc! And whatever else I decide to do!
Favorite Gadgets: Duhhhh, what all girls like! Do you really need to ask?!
Occupation: What I Do Best!
Personal Quote: I am just me - redneck as I am! TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!

Ninja R: Next one....AngelNJeansGA.   She's a bisexual female...just like you like 'em.

Samurai B: Oh yeah, I also like them with Gene Wilder hair and asses that are wider than their shoulders.

Ninja R: she IS pear-shaped...

Samurai B: I'm really doubting her chromosomal make up; she's probably not so much bisexual as she is gender confused.

Ninja R: I wonder what her fellow rednecks think of that.

Samurai B: Rednecks don't really think that often so I'm sure they're not sparing much thought on her.

Ninja R: They're raising her for food, says me.

Samurai B: She's another one of those many flaws adding up angels.  She's not hideosly obese like the last one we saw...but she is overall just as repugnant.

Ninja R: Angel or not?

Samurai B: Define angel?  When I see these screen names and open a profile, this is exactly what i expect to see.

Ninja R: Well, I was going with the traditional version, but this IS about E-Angels.....we'll stick with the traditional version.

Samurai B: Like, messenger of god ?

Ninja R: Yeah....like in the movie Dogma.

Samurai B: She could be an exile.

Ninja R: ExiledAngelGA...I should suggest that to her sometime.  Next one....

Name: ~*~AnGe~aNgElA~mY aNgEl~ShOrTy~*~
ThE oNlY tHiNgS iN lIfE yOu'Ll EvEr ReGrEt ArE tHe RiSkS yOu DiDnT tAkE!
Location: ~StErLiNg, Va ~...Im An AnGeL! hOnEsT! tHe HoRnS aRe JuSt ThErE tO kEeP tHe HaLo Up StRaIgHt!..*¤*~~**YoU cAn AlWaYs StArT lIkInG sOmEoNe OvEr AnD oVeR aGaIn**~~** BuT yOu CaN nEvEr StOp LoViNg SoMeOnE**~~*¤*
Gender: Female
Marital Status: MiKe I lOvE yOu FoReVeR & AlWaYs
Hobbies & Interests: ~ cHiLlIn W/ fRiEnDs ~ HaNgInG oUt ~ pAtRyInG ~ FlIrTiNg WiTh Me MaY lEaD tO eXtReMe InFaTuAtIoN ...aNd In SoMe CaSeS, uNbElIeVaBlE pLeAsUrE~
Favorite Gadgets: Pa Pa PlEaSe CaN i HaVe My MoNeY.iF u GiVe Me My MoNeY yOu WiLl GeT yOuR pIzZa!~I WilL bE hErE wAiTiNg WhEn YoU cOmE bAcK tO mE!
Occupation: ~StUdEnT aT nOvA~oFfIcE mAnAgEr Of MiD-aTlAnTiC aUtO rEcOvErY~If I dIdn'T sAy It DoNt AsSuMe It~
Personal Quote: TwO wOrDs GuYs HaTe... DoN't & StOp UnLeSs YoU PuT eM tOgEtHeR! sO wItH a ToUcH oF mY hAiR aNd A tWiSt Of My HiPs ThIs LiL aAgEl Is GoNe WiTh A kIsS
********MuAh********

Samurai B: Do we know which one of the two is the guilty party?

Ninja R: She's the one on the left.

Samurai B: I'd put her at what, about 15 ?

Ninja R: Hell if I know...she looks under 18 though.

Samurai B: She probably hasn't had the 'angel' screen name for long but the results are apparent already...and AnYoNe ThAt TaKeS tHe TiMe To TyPe LiKe ThIs ShOuLd DiE.

Ninja R: Check out her hobbies and interests...."unbelievable pleasure?"

Samurai B: The only unbelievable pleasure I'm interested in is crushing her skull with her keyboard...she's already fat.  She's not going to grow out of it, she's going to grow INTO it.

Ninja R: She loves Mike fOrEvEr AnD aLwAyZ.  She's sorta close to you...want me to try and hook you up?

Samurai B: Yeah, well, Mike will never know because he went into an epileptic seizure and died halfway through reading the profile.  Tempting, but no.

Ninja R: The bottom line: angel or not?

Samurai B: Complete online angel.

Ninja R: I thought she was some crazy Wiccan lady and not one of those Christian angels.

Samurai B: Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on with the whole cape thing

Ninja R: Is she wearing a bra??

Samurai B: I don't see how she could be; those things are flying half mast.

Ninja R: Well...she IS standing on a street corner...and she never really states her occupation...

Samurai B: Other than she loves it, yes...still, is the cape a fashion statement, or did she split her pants?  We may never know.

Ninja R: Those aren't earrings...they're electrodes...she's not human...no human smiles like that.

Samurai B: I thought that was a grimace.

Ninja R: You know....change the outfit to purple and she just may BE Grimace.

Which is Grimace...or are they the same person?  We'll let you...THE READERS...decide.

Samurai B: It looks like one of those tabloid pictures of some celebrity who is surprised by the camera.  What's troubling - and this is true for all the online angels - these are the best pictures they have of themselves to put out there.  She went through all her pictures and went damn, I really look good in this one.

Ninja R: well......she does say she like scarey [sic] movies...

Samurai B: I know I'm adding a cape to my wardrobe just as soon as I can.

Samurai B: Ok, this one I thought maybe was 12 until I saw that she's holding down a job.  Now I think she's the poster girl for the new anti-meth ad campaign.

Ninja R: Tasha works for Blue Cross Blue Shield.  Someone need to tell her eyebrows about tweezers.

Samurai B: The eyebrows keep your attention from the rest of her face, which is a plus.

Ninja R: You think it's intentional eyebrow growth?

Samurai B: There's a strong possibility...I almost didn't notice her ears at first, and that is hard to believe.

Ninja R: She took the bangs a little far too.

Samurai B: Well again, anything to help cover up or distract you from her face.

Ninja R: Looks kinda like Benji the Wonder Dog without the cuddliness.

Samurai B: She's probably the runt.

Benji - Cuddly = Angel10242.  ROFL OMG!~11

Ninja R: Bottom line: angel or not?

Samurai B: Well, she is the first anorexic angel I've seen, although it stands to reason with all those other angels out there running around with all that extra body fat.   It makes sense there are angels out there going without all that excess. 

Ninja R: Kinda separating herself from the pack...but...an online angel, nonetheless.

Samurai B: Definite AOAngel.

Name: ~AnGeL FrOm AbOvE~ AmAnDa })i({MeMbA My NaMe iF YoUr LuCky YoU'LL Be ScReAmiNg iT LaTuh})i({
Location: ~So Kal~
Gender: Female
Marital Status: })i({ An AnGiL FrOm HeAvEn})i({
Hobbies & Interests: ~No MaTTa WhAt PeOpLe SaY U GoT iT GoiN On WhO CaReS AbOuT WhAt ThEy ThiNk YoU GoTTa ShOw It OfFU KnOw U CaN Do DaT BaBy ShAkE YoUr BoDy 2 Da RyThM aLWaYz DriVeZ Ya CrAzY!!~LiL KiM
Favorite Gadgets: ~iMJuS TrYnTa Be Me DoIn WhAt I GoTTa Do,So WhY YaLL !3iThCeZ KeEp HaTEiN On Me N mY CrEw~TrU Ch!cAs (PhLiShA&MaNdi)
Occupation: ~EvErYWhErE i Go ReDCaRpEt~~90%AnGiL !0%DeViL !00%PeRfEcT~ ~BeLiVe NoNe Of WhAt U HeAr AnD HaLf Of WhAt U SeE~Yo LaUr DoNt
Personal Quote: U JuS LuVThEm LoNg WaLkS On Da BeAcH~To LiV Is Da RaReSt ThInG IndA WoRld MoSt PeePs ExSisT tHaT iS aLL~To ThE WoRlD U MaY B 1 PeRsOn BuT 2 OnE PeRsOn U MaY B ThE WoRlD!! MuChA AmOr 2My LiL SiStA GiNa I GoT YoUr BaK BaBy aLwAyz

Samurai B: OK, at first, this one put me in a tough position to defend my angel stance.

Ninja R: Well, there are exceptions to every absolute...

Samurai B: Not by definition...she is repulsive, just not physically.  Once I read the profile, everything made sense.  She's from southern california, where even the ugly women are fine.  That's a rule more powerful than my angel theorem.

Ninja R: The "SoCal Chicks Are Hot" rule.

Ninja R: Chinese men store rice in those bags under her eyes though.

Samurai B: The bags under her eyes are from staying up all night to TyPe HeR pRoFiLe.

Ninja R: Check out the personal quote.

Samurai B: Uh, yeah, thanks for making me do that.  I feel dumber.

Ninja R: Need eye surgery again now?

Samurai B: Not yet, but I may before we're done with this list of angels.

Ninja R: Bottom line: angel or not?

Samurai B: AOAngel, yet another person I wouldn't talk to.

Ninja R: How about her moustache?

Samurai B: I think that's her mom.

Ninja R: Crap....BabyAngelzCU is the one of the right.

Samurai B: Apparently.  Here you've got another fatty angel...but were she to go all subway on us, lose no sleep, because she has reserve ugliness waiting to spring into action.

Ninja R: I'm sure that's comforting to her mom.

Samurai B: Of course.  Why have only one bitter single woman living in a house with a bunch of cats when you can have two?

Ninja R: Check out the personal quote...

Samurai B: Yeah...she pulls up the classic "no matter where you go" quote.   No matter where she goes, she's still everywhere.

Ninja R: Bottom line: angel or not?

Samurai B: AOAngel extreme.

Name: if you ask i might tell other than that babyangel to you
Location: the northshore area of mass (peabody) do not bother if look for me you will not find me
Gender: Female
Marital Status: engaged to a guy i love so much
Hobbies & Interests: movies, hanging out, cuddling with the love of my life of 6 years, listening to music, walk the beach, basketball, etc..I LOVE YOU HONEY FOREVER AND EVER!!!
Favorite Gadgets: does that really matter it is whatever that is right infront of me
Occupation: student for now and living life
Personal Quote: treat people like how you want to be treated...
live life to the fullest, take one day at a time
favorite saying Ah Shit!!!!
i am not looking to hook up i am only asking to be friends that is it
Saying hi to my friends dave and cindy and sonia

Samurai B: Ah, saving the best for last.  Which one is the accused?

Ninja R: I laughed my ass off when I figured out which one she is.  I shit you not, her website says she's "the blonde one."

Samurai B: Blonde? Is she talking about her arm hair ?

Ninja R: Hell if I know...the one sitting on her lap was on there again with a kid....so by process of elimination, I figured out it's the beast sitting down...her friend is on her lap...or...whoever that is is her next meal...one of the two.    She's hoisting a beer aloft in celebration.

Samurai B: Well, OK, I think in her hand, she's drinking that red sugar water mix that's fed to hummingbirds.  Now, you have to give her points for having her fat friend sit on her lap to try and hide some of her bulk.

Ninja R: Yeah, she does hide about an 1/8th of it.

Samurai B: What I first noticed was wow, sturdy chair, it doesn't appear to be buckling...and then I realized, they're sitting on a love seat.

Ninja R: Holy shit...is that a love seat??

Samurai B: Or a small couch.

Ninja R: She loves her honey FOREVER AND EVER.  For some reason, I think she's actually talking about honey and not any person in particular.

Samurai B: Heah, her honey, her donuts, her cake, her candy bars, forever and ever.   This kind of angel is the stereotypical AOAngel I expect to see each and every time I open up one of their profiles.  The only reason I look anymore is just to confirm my theory.  As long as I open up the profile, find a pic like that, I know the world is still spinning in the correct direction.

Ninja R: if she left the planet, the gravitational forces and spin would be outta whack.  This is no mere AOAngel though....note the screen name...it's a BabyAngel.

Samurai B: True, babyangel kicks up the endearing level another notch.  Basically, the more attractive the screen name attempts to make the angel appear, the worse she's going to be.  And her location...at first I thought she meant she was the north shore area mass...and then I saw she meant an area of the state, Massachusetts.

Ninja R: It's the blue pants that threw you off...they're like the ocean...you won't find her, even though it'll be hard to miss her laying on top of Cape Cod.

Ninja R: Bottom line: angel or not?

Samurai B: She is the epitome of AOAngel-ness.

Ninja R: Agreed....well, all in all, what do you think about your theory now?

Samurai B: I think it's still intact, I am looking to get some sort of government funding to further my studies into this phenomenon, I think there are some extreme possibilites and discoveries waiting to be made.

Ninja R: Science and history WAITING to be made!

Samurai B: I'm not certain, but figuring this out could be the next step to cold fusion, faster than light travel and maybe just MAYBE what happend to eric estrada's careers post-chips.

Ninja R: endless possibilities.