|
Staff Comics Forums Links Archives The Webb Files Link to us
|
Carl vs. Justin Timberlake
SHOWDOWN! I'm sure by now many of you know who Justin Timberlake is. A while back, you couldn't turn on your TV without seeing his pube-covered head doing his dual TOUGH GUY/SENSITIVE GUY act. He's not really around too much anymore...his CD, JUSTIFIED, has been out for a while now. I hear him on the radio every once in a while, I guess...that's not the point here. The only place you'll see him these days is by watching eMptyTV or some stupid celebrity "infotainment" show. But I digress. Some of you may not know Carl, though. Please see the movie Slingblade. We know the part of Carl was played by Billy Bob Thornton, but we prefer to think of Carl as his own person. That's why he's the official mascot of Hoodratz...because we love retards...especially those who kill people with slingblades. Those of you who haven't seen the movie won't have any idea what I'm talking about. So..with all that said, I'm sure this would never happen in real life...which is why I chose to write about these two IN A MATCH TO THE DEATH. Of course, I've kept all personal bias out of this DEATHMATCH. Yeah, right.
Winner: Carl. Killing people with slingblades kicks much more ass than making stupid, "official sounding" excuses. Carl was honest and said what he was going to do...so he wins the category.
Winner: Timberlake. Admittedly, dating tons of hot chicks gets Timberlake the win on this one. I think it's the chicks' fault if they like men who look like women. Carl gets an honorable mention for the method of dispatching his mother.
Winner: Carl. Cereal and pasta are OK, sure, but a favorite? Whatever happened to the imagination from Timberlake? What a fartmonster. Everyone knows French-fried 'taters RAWK faces off...as well as biscuits and mustard. Timberlake is less imaginative than a retard...but then, that explains his shitty music.
Winner: Timberlake. Timberlake lives in Orlando, Florida. I'm sure it's nice and sunny there, although he probably spends his time hanging out at Disney World looking for his young fans. Living in a mental institution barely loses.
Winner: Carl. For those of you who don't know, "On The Line" is a movie starring fellow gayboy and fatty Lance Bass. Timberlake sings in the picture...the combination of Bass and Timberlake makes this one of the worst movies ever made. Slingblade, as one of the best movies ever made, kicks On The Line's everlovin' ass so hard, it scraped boot polish off its teeth for two weeks. Because...you know...movies have teeth.
Winner: Carl. This needs no explanation. While retards are very endearing, gay retards are not.
Rollins00861: who is more
cool...Carl from Slingblade or Justin Timberlake? Winner: Carl. There you go...even random people think Carl kicks more ass.
So there you have it, folks. Carl kicks much more ass than Justin Timberlake ever will. This should have been obvious to all of you...after all, anyone who cracks people in the head with mower blades kicks much more ass than a whiny pretty boy. Winner: Carl by a RETARDALITY! Women, show Carl some titties!
|
