Massachusetts law makers now have 90 days to figure out how to make them Constitutional.

But let's not think about that.

Let's forget about the decay of the American family system. Let's forget about the fact the overwhelming majority of Americans do not want to explain to these things to their children. Let's forget that I have no personal bias against gay people in the least.

Let's forget about all that. Let's just be "open minded," as liberals are so fond of saying.

Instead, let's think about all the new doors this new development opens up! Yes! In the middle of November 2003, the world is now bright and shiny, full of new prospects and propositions for us all? What prospects?

I thought you'd never ask.

Remember...morality is relative these days, so even if you don't agree with any of these, people will tell you (really) you can't judge them and you can't tell them how they feel. It's usually a bunch of crap about how "you don't know me, you can't judge me." This is despite that just about everything follows a pattern and if a telephone rings, that means there's someone on the other line. A fish is not going to jump out of the handset because fish don't jump out of handsets. So...remember...in line with the Massachusetts Supreme Court, you cannot judge people who might want to marry the following things.

(insert picture here...I looked for relatives pictures, but it was too gross.  Your mother was on there, by the way...she says hi and sends her love.)

If you have a hot cousin out there, now's the time to act. You've known him or her for most of your life...why not for the rest of your life? Marriages are intended to be lifelong...and that's just what you and Bobby Joe or Sally May can do. Why not? If you are in love, who does the government think they are to stop you?! HOW DARE THEY! It's all about the relationship, of course...and since morality is relative these days and since there's nothing wrong with gay civil marriage, you should be allowed to marry a relative.

How you'll handle the deformed kids later down the road is beside the point because supposedly, relationships are not about sex, even though they have everything to do with sexual preference. How that works, I'm not too sure.

Your dear dog Fido and your precious cat Fluffy, George the Wonder Fish and even your wonderful pet falcon (because everyone has falcons) may soon be flying the coop in pursuit of marriage.

Yes...why not marry animals? Stupid question, you say? NO! See, we are no longer people of morality and enforcement. We can no longer impose our morals on someone simply because we don't like it. Soon, we should be able to see people walking hand in paw with other animals...and we should not be appalled or offended.

There’s this tree out back I’ve had my eye on for a while....it’s REALLY nice looking...and I think we’ll get married some day. With this new turn of events, I will soon be able to do so! The one I’ve been checking out has this knothole in it....and oo, baby...a little lube will fix things right up for me. Think that’s sick? Check out the logging industry from the early 1900s. Perhaps in this day and age of "free thinking" and relative morality, man and tree could TRULY be one. It kinda gives a new meaning to "tree hugger," donchathink?

Huh huh...they're gonna do it.  ROFL!~1

Many people say they love their cars, run down and shot as they may be. No one ever takes them seriously. Well...now, maybe people SHOULD start taking them seriously! And when a man loves a car...or a woman loves a car...then they should be allowed to marry. Hell, what OTHER function does a tailpipe serve? Wait...I forgot...the argument doesn’t have anything to do with sexuality, but it has everything to do with relationships.

Honestly, I’m not sure how I’d act if I saw some guy humping his car’s tailpipe. I’d probably hope for his sake the car was turned OFF...then call the cops. Or I’d introduce him to the forest out back...lots of trees out there...

Slim, sleek and ready for action.

Man. Computer. They spend lots of time together...imagine a world where computers and man can marry! If I were to marry a computer, it’d be my laptop. That way, we could see everything together...inseparable. I could take my laptop on trips with me...and late at night, when everything’s quiet, I could play around with its hard drive and USB ports....holy crap, I’m starting to like that idea already. We should all petition our state courts for marriage rights!

I think Mr. Jackson has been married once before, but that’s beside the point – we should be allowed to marry whatever we want to marry, whether it’s animal, vegetable, mineral or Jackson. The money wouldn’t be so bad...and you’d have a playground in your own backyard! That would rock asses off...and since Mr. Jackson would be off sleeping in other beds with children, you wouldn’t have to worry about being repulsed by Snuggle Time With A Jackson...unless it was Janet...but that’s beside the point.

And now you know what Lisa Marie Presley was up against every night.

Honestly, I hope this guy gets hammered if found guilty. I think we all do. Then, I hope he’s put in prison for a maximum amount of time. If he’s found guilty, I wonder if there will be race riots in the streets of LA? People are already starting to talk about how "racism" is the reason he’s been charged. Then again, these people have the mentality of SizzlinAznSweety.

T2, in his own gracious way, even took the liberty of making a marriage certificate that is non-thing specific...so we can marry who or whatever we want.

Fill in the above blanks with whatever you want.  Tree, fish, curtain, Ani Difranco, Robert Smith from The Cure...they'll all be married soon enough.

Bottom line: WHY WHY WHY are we letting government tell us what we want or don't want? 37 states have established definitions of marriage between a man and a woman. Now, we have four judges from Massachusetts telling their citizens, "we'll do what we want, and if you don't like it, TOUGH SHIT." This is wrong.

They basically asked themselves, "Who are we to judge," and avoided the blatantly obvious – their collevtive job.

We'll see what happens, I guess.