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Normally, I wouldn't like drug-referenced sites, but I like the guy who writes here.

Courtney Love -- MEDIA WHORE!
By Ninja R, 5-30-2004

Dateline: July 9, 1964, San Francisco, California -- In the midst of free love, hippies and rampant drug use, a baby was born. Its parents, in one of those things heavy drug users call "a moment of clarity," named their daughter Love Michelle Harrison. They would have named her "Love Michelle Heroin" in some weird, new-age, psychic thing, but figured her life would be much easier if she had a normal last name.

Dateline: July 8, 1975, Winnie, Texas -- Almost 11 years after the birth of the San Francisco whore, a young ninja by the name of R was born. Their paths to opposition were preordained by the gods!

And so it has come to be. Coffee at my right hand, music in the air, here's my attempt at explaining the media whore called Courtney Love.


While strung out on heroin, Courtney says to her fans, "Hey guys! Smell my armpit and I'll give you head! I'm so wasted!"

Courtney, in keeping with her hippy upbringing, succeeded in her ultimate goals in life: becoming a drugged out whore addicted to heroin. And this was simply before anyone really knew about her. Her marriage to Kurt Cobain of Nirvana fame only sweetened the pot for her...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The media whore first started her rise by attempting to hook up with Billy Corgan from The Smashing Pumpkins. She might be a whore, but whores can usually sniff out money from even the most stingy of people. This was, of course, before Corgan had really hit the big time with his band. Located in Chicago, the two dated on and off before Corgan finally came to his senses and dumped her...probably on the same street corner he'd picked her up.

Undaunted, she sighted in on one of the brightest up-and-coming stars of the rock world -- Kurt Cobain. Her love for him only extended to the amount of drugs he could get for her...she still insisted on retaining her changed surname: Love. Somehow, she changed her name, rid herself of the confusing Heroin/Harrison thing, and switched her first name to her last name.

That's an interesting point...what kind of shit do you think a kid would grow up taking if her first name was Love? Maybe this also explains her fucked up, whorish ways.


As shown above, Love demostrates how to properly give a client one hell of a handjob.

Anyway, she and Cobain had lots of "fun" together, cavorting around the world while increasing the coffers of opium producers. Love's band, Hole (the name of which completely describing which organ of hers she wanted to cram full), had a not-so-popular album out called "Pretty On The Inside." The title described what Love would like others to think of her, since she looked less pretty on the outside and more like a bloated carcass and whatever had been chewing on it.

Her mediocre band returned to the studio, forged together with Cobain's contacts at Geffen Records. Typical for a mediocre band, they churned out a mediocre second album called "Live Through This," foretelling such HARDSHIP such as blowing the trust fund she'd been living on for smack as well as Cobain's fortune off the successes of Nirvana's three albums. Cobain and she also had a child, Frances Bean Cobain. Bean came from Kurt, when he commented during an ultrasound she looked just like a little bean. This was all while Courtney was still shooting up heroin. What a mother, huh?

Cobain died. Love was so TERRIBLY upset, she released some rambling crap about Cobain's mother using "tough love" on him as a kid. Perhaps if Love's junky parents had used tough love on her, she wouldn't be the whore she is today...but I digress.

After Cobain committed suicide, Love cashed in, dropped their toddler off at Grandma's, stole a married entertainment industry mogul away from his pregnant wife, assaulted and threatened journalists, terrorized airline employees and passengers around the world, overdosed on painkillers, and every once in a while paraded her tragic child at movie premieres while tottering about high and half-nude on the red carpet.

Love then went on to tour for her aforementioned album, so upset she was. The media obliged her every whim and she was soon on the cover of women's magazine such as Vogue. I'm not completely sure why Vogue would even consider putting her on the cover...but they do have a habit of pasting drug-addicted whores to grace the front pages.


But those appearances only meant Howard Stern, of all people, was one of the only people on Earth who hadn't viewed Love's rack...so she offered it up for him.

The only thing Courtney ever actually did of any repute was playing a drug-addicted former stripper in the movie, "The People Versus Larry Flynt." Coincidentally, she has been romantically linked to Flynt's lawyer in the movie, Edward Norton. Mr. Norton, come to your senses...she destroys talent.

Hole's third CD, Celebrity Skin, is even more terrible than the first two albums they've released. This isn't surprising. Have you heard the CD? It doesn't even sound like there's a drummer playing!

But this doesn't even begin to display my sheer hatred of the woman. She can do whatever she wants with herself, really. If the media wants to hold such a whore in high esteem, that's their right.

My main problem with her is her treatment of Frances.

Stripper-turned-celebrity Courtney Love is simply one fucked up mother. This, of course, makes her a mother fucker.

"Where's Frances?!" she screeched when she lost her daughter backstage at the Grammys last month. After locating the child, Love abandoned her and went out boozing with fellow exhibitionist Paris Hilton. Frances is 11 years old now. Do you remember how you were at age 11?

Upon swallowing at least 20 milligrams of OxyContin recently, Love was nursed by Frances, who made her strung-out mother some green tea while they waited for an ambulance. "I made it fun," Love explained to People magazine. "I said it was going to be gross, and I was going to have to make myself throw up, but it was going to be OK."

What kind of shit is that? Don't ALL OF YOU reading this think making yourself throw up is "fun?" What would YOU think of your mother if she was strung out on OxyContin and YOU had to call an ambulance for her?

Tough love, MY ASS. It would be better if Courtney simply just LOVED her daughter in the first place.

And the media rewards this simple bitch's pathological behavior. They prop her up in the polls, show her whenever she makes an appearance, interview her for such *stellar* opinion. And people actually listen to this ridiculous whore.

Love's recent antics include flashing David Letterman on his late night TV show. After Love lifted her raggedy top for Letterman, he grinned from ear to ear, saying, "Very sweet of you. We're going to lose our liquor license." HA HA HA HA! OMG FUNNY!!~~1

Additionally, she's recently pled guilty to misdemeanor COCAINE possession. With all of the drug problems and all of the various times she's had to go to the hospital and all of the treatment programs she's been in, she still can't quit the habit. But this isn't really such a bad thing, of course. About the drug, Courtney said to her daughter, "Cocaine is like really evil coffee." I've had really evil coffee. As a matter of fact, the only good coffee is strong coffee. Courtney likens an illegal drug that can potentially kill a person in one dose to "evil coffee." Fuck you, Courtney.


Love shows how to snort an eight ball of coke all at once in an effort to hide it from suspicious police.

Not only should Love apologize to her daughter, but she should apologize to the world at large for showing us her cragged, aping face, no doubt the result of too much plastic surgery (which she admits to having after saying, "I don't need plastic in my body to validate me as a woman." I guess saline instead of "plastic" is what she meant). Applying makeup with a trowel while displaying way too much pasty white skin is a bit too much for many of us.


Above, Love hides the most embarrassing part of her body -- the only part that HASN'T HAD enhancement -- all the while distracting the viewer with makeup slathered on with a trowel.


And last but not least, here was the straw that broke THIS camel's back:


This photo is used courtesy of www.angrygerman.com. Thanks, X.

Here's a woman who vehemently bitches about a "lack of women's rights," and then she's almost completely naked during one of her concerts. What a slut. She's enjoying her "rights?" NO! Look at her! Like X wrote about, she's smiling. She's enjoying this. She doesn't realize the implications this will have.

So...in summary...Love is a fucked up media whore who relies on us to prop her up. In the meantime, Frances Bean gets dropped off at the nanny until her (biological) mother finally kills herself so she can officially call herself an orphan.

Courtney cries out to the world, OMG OMG TAKE CARE OF ME! But it makes one wonder: who will take care of Frances? The nanny? David Letterman?

Fuck you, Courtney Love.

-- Ninja R
 

During no point of during this column's creation was any music resembling Hole listened to. Ninja R doesn't listen to stupid music.

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