More Ideas for Moore...
By T2, 06-19-04

Well, looks like Michael Moore is at it again. Ever since the walrus of a movie maker came out with his stab at Hollywood, he’s been shrouded in controversy. There isn’t a single action this man takes that doesn’t involve him badmouthing some political figure, or some aspect of society he doesn’t approve of.

After coming out with his recent movie, Fahrenheit 9/11, Moore was shocked and appalled that Disney wouldn’t back up his movie financially, in an effort to keep themselves out of the line of fire. Boo Frickin’ Hoo, I say. Arrogance doesn’t mix well with stupidity.

All animosity aside, I respect Moore for his passion of getting his silly point of view out and known. In appreciation of this fervor, I’ve decided to try and help him on his quest by giving him a few movie ideas for later projects. There are so many corrupt things in the world, We need to have these things brought into the light, there are awards to be won, and money to be made!

Bullies of America

For too long, strong willed, physically adept individuals have plagued the weaker children in schools, playgrounds, and locker rooms. Stealing lunch money, toys, and respect, these bastards have to have a movie made about them in a negative light. Moore to the rescue! Featuring interviews with the man himself about his troubled youth, this movie will send ripples through schoolyard bullies and the Cannes film festival patrons alike. Bullies, watch out.

Even as a kid, he had that dead mongoose of a beard.

Spider Monkeys, scourge of the Jungles.

These lanky creatures swing around so confident in their homeland, completely destroying the way of life we embrace. Moore interviews several spider-monkeys in an effort to see why they’ve turned evil, as well as making connections between Saudi Arabians and some of the wealthier forest dwellers.

Actual movie screenshot

Not only does he connect the two, he attempts to cost one powerful monkey his spot on the food chain by releasing the movie in a key jungle year. In theatres soon!

Tom Cruise : Movie Star.

Moore attempts the unthinkable by making the blatantly obvious, even Moore obvious. Ha.

In what seems a lazy attempt at the box office, Moore just strings together clips of Tom Cruise in movies showing the viewer he is in fact, an actor, and not Japanese.. Featuring clips from movies such as Top Gun, The Last Samurai, Vanilla Sky, Mission Impossible, and random bits of paparazzi footage, this movie is more like a bootleg mix CD than a feature film.

I think he just stopped trying.

Hopefully Moore will start to make movies that people actually care about, ones that don’t rely on misguided censorship claims. I like that he has this crusade, but all he does is string together fact after random fact to form a skewed viewpoint. When I see Fahrenheit, I’ll make my own decisions, but until then…he’s a nut.

--T2

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