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Fuhghetaboutit --
A Guide To The Sopranos! Since season five is already underway, I will soon type up an article about the first three episodes as one and then go from there each week. But, as I sat and pondered, I realized that some of you may not be familiar with the show and its myriad of personalities. Fear not, loyal readers! For I have compiled all of them into one easy-to-use guide! Hey, it was either this or an American Idol article, so I feel I made the right choice. Agreed? Agreed. Moving forward …
Tony Soprano
The Basics: Tony is the central figure on The Sopranos and deservedly so. Early in season one, Jackie Aprile was the head of the Jersey mob and Tony worked under him. After passing away due to cancer ( Jackie didn’t survive past episode three. ), the responsibilities of the family fell on Tony’s massive shoulders. While this didn’t sit well with Tony’s uncle Junior, everyone else decided it was best for all involved. At first all was well and he embraced his leadership role. However, things quickly fell apart for Tony S. With Uncle Junior getting upset with Tony’s promotion, Tony’s mother giving him grief at every turn, and the pressure of trying to run a crime family as well as his own family at home … Tony broke down. After experiencing several anxiety attacks and even passing out a few times, Tony decided to seek professional help and a TV show was born. My take: Well, Tony makes the show go ‘round of course. The thing about Tony is that you have to look at him from two angles. On one hand you have a bullying mobster that is used to getting what he wants, and on the other hand you have this big lug that is actually sort of a sensitive guy that cares about his family. Of course, it is sort of hard to ever feel sorry for someone that cheats on his wife constantly and kills people for a living. Defining moment: Since he has so many it is really hard to say. A few things that sticks out at this exact moment is a scene where he attacks Uncle Junior’s right hand man with a stapler and staples his tie to his chest, another where after being turned down by Dr. Melfi ( his shrink ) for a date he calls her a “fucking cunt” and storms off, and of course when he snaps and attacks Ralphie ( See his entry later ) and starts choking him to death.
The Basics: Carmela was Tony’s loyal wife and the mother of his children. While possessing the classic “wife of the mob” temperament, Carmela has been pretty forgiving of a lot of what Tony does. Carmela does most of the work when it comes to their children while at the same time trying to have a life of her own. At some point in season three, Carmela starts to feel under appreciated and starts entertaining the notion of having an affair with one of Tony’s enforcers named Furio ( later ). Of course this flirtation was nothing compared to what Tony has done, but nonetheless Tony was infuriated when it came out during a heated argument late in season four. Since that exchange, Carmela has kicked Tony out of the house and wants a divorce and is now trying to move on without him. My take: Carmela is OK but she is sort of typical. It is not that she is a bad wife or anything. It’s just that she complains a lot for someone that lives in a giant house and has her own maid. Yeah, she does a lot for her kids but I just don’t get the “woe is me” shit. The only time she ever got angry and I was all for it was when she started finding out about Tony’s adultery. Some friends and I actually have debated over if she was a gold digger or not. I mean, I am sure she loved Tony at first. But, you have to think that the lifestyle she gave him didn’t hurt … right? Defining Moment: This is easy. While arguing with Tony she blurted out that she fantasized about Furio. It was great! Tony came at her and punched a hole in the wall next to her head. Other than that, there isn’t a lot of scenes that stand out that much to me.
The Basics: Chris is Tony’s nephew and one of the most popular characters on the show. In the first couple of seasons, Chris is not a made man yet. This is a constant annoyance to him since he feels he should be moved ahead of others because of his bloodline. Of all the characters on the show, Chris is the most troubled. Through the first four seasons Chris has been shot ( and almost killed), addicted to drugs, bristled when treated like an underling, and at one point even thought about writing a script about the mob to pursue a career in Hollywood. My take: Chris kicks ass because he is not all that bright. He is also a sociopath ( most of the characters are ) who has a massive inferiority complex. Chris fucks up a lot because of his temper and that makes him entertaining to watch. He does get under your skin sometimes because he acts untouchable since he is Tony’s nephew and I have this feeling that Chris might not be alive anymore when the show wraps it up after it’s sixth season. Defining Moment: There are several but you have to love it when his cohorts attempt an intervention to help with his drug problem and it ends up being a free-for-all.
The Basics: Dr. Melfi is Tony’s psychiatrist. She probably should have stopped helping him years ago but something compelled her to keep letting him come back. Part of it is an attraction to his dangerous lifestyle and part of it is pity for him and the things he goes through everyday. Tony has quit seeking her help several times out of frustration and Dr.Melfi has also told him several times that he no longer needed her assistance, but he always ends up back in her office. My Take: Dr.Melfi is just about the only person on the show that isn’t morally reprehensible. You can tell she has a thing for Tony but would never act on it. I don’t have a lot to say about Dr.Melfi. She is all right, I guess. I liked her better as the fucked up wife in the movie “Good Fellas”. Defining Moment: A few seasons back, Dr.Melfi was raped and it was a fairly graphic scene. Probably one of the more disturbing things I have seen on TV. She even thought about telling Tony about it and exacting some sort of revenge. Of course those cursed “morals” got in the way.
The Basic: Uncle Junior is Tony’s uncle and the oldest member of the current crime family. When Jackie, Sr passed away many thought that Junior would take over and he was quite angry when that right wasn’t handed to him. Early on Junior was an antagonist on the show and at one point tried to have Tony killed. However, the two have since buried the hatchet and can now coexist. At one point the FBI came down on Junior and even put him on trial. Unfortunately for them, the mob got to a juror and he was never convicted. Currently, Junior suffers from a variety of illnesses and appears to be becoming senile. My Take: Uncle Junior is just about my favorite character on the show because he is good for a few laughs each week. He is a cranky old man and it is hilarious. I wish I had an Uncle Junior instead of an Uncle Bill that sits on his porch with a shotgun looking for aliens every night. Hm. Well, maybe that is just as amusing. Defining Moment: Early in season two Junior was dating this old lady and she told everyone that Junior went down on her. Junior got so enraged that he threatened to kill her. Instead he ended it by calling her a cunt and smashing a pie in her face. Secondary Characters (In less detail): Paulie Walnuts
Overview: Paulie is one of Tony’s best earners and an old school gangster. When something dirty needs done, Paulie is the guy to turn to. He sometimes gets insulted far too easily and likes to cry about getting a lack of respect. This leads to conflicts with Christopher since Paulie had to earn his stripes while Christopher was born in. Paulie is for the most part loyal but lately has shown some slight signs of dissention. Of all the people on the show, Paulie might be the most dangerous. The guy can turn into a raging lunatic in a heartbeat and has killed several people on the show for nothing. Case in point? He once suffocated an old lady in an old folks home. Why? She wasn’t nice to his mother. Silvio Dante
Overview: Silvio is more of an advisor in the mob and spends more time running his club, the Bada-Bing. Of all the people close to Tony, I think he trusts Silvio the most. Hell, if I were Tony I would probably trust him the most too. I mean, how can you not trust a guy that is part of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band? Furio
Overview: Furio immigrated here from Italy to serve as Tony’s enforcer. He doesn’t speak English all that well and is sort of gentle for a mob guy. I mean, the guy was into botany. However, he was a pretty fearsome guy when it came down to it. He had a business-like approach to killing people and never hesitated to do what he was told. Furio eventually had a thing for Tony’s wife and felt sorry for her knowing that Tony cheated so often. At one point he even thought of killing Tony but his loyalty got the better of him. At the end of season four, Carmela told Tony about their flirting and Tony was beside himself. But, Furio was long gone by then … he ran back to Italy and hasn’t been seen since. Adriana
Overview: For the first couple of seasons Adriana was just eye candy and had very little impact on the show. In fact, the show’s creator even said she wasn’t supposed to be anything more than Christopher’s latest fling. However, Adriana has grown into far more than that as in season four the FBI started leaning on her and now she is almost a complete informant. During the new season and the last, the show has focused a lot on her dealings with the FBI and the stress it is causing her. In one episode, while being grilled by the FBI, she lost her lunch all over them because she was so upset about it. Nothing like seeing a looker like Adriana puking all over the place, huh? Anyway, of all the people on the show, my money is on Adriana getting whacked by the end of the season. Bobby Bacala
Overview: In all honesty I don’t understand why this guy is in the mob. He is the softest mobster I have ever seen. His wife recently died in a car wreck and that made him even worse. His loneliness and grief caused him to start seeing (and eventually marrying) Tony’s sister Janice. Bobby’s main job right now is taking care of Uncle Junior and they don’t really ask much more of him. However, early in season five, they are already hinting at Bobby’s desire to have more responsibilities. Janice Soprano
Overview: Janice is Tony’s flake of a sister who isn’t really around much until their mother dies. She is a really annoying character but she is a necessary evil that actually has a few humorous moments. For instance, back in season two she stole a woman’s artificial leg and refused to give it back. Currently, she has latched on to Bobby Bacala and has even convinced him to marry her.
Overview: A.J. and Meadow are Tony and Carmela’s spoiled kids. Since the separation, A.J has become more rebellious than ever and blames Carmela for the breakup. Meadow is off in college in New York City and hasn’t been around much lately. However, in past seasons she has 1. thrown a lot of fits, 2. dated a lot of guys Tony hates, and 3. looked really, really good sometimes.
Overview: John is part of the New York mob and worked under the recently deceased Carmine. Since he has done his time he feels he deserves to be the boss now. Unfortunately for The Sack, Carmine has a son who stands to inherit that position and John has petitioned Tony about helping him rub Carmine, Jr out. So far Tony has refused and John has told him that he will never forget his lack of interest in helping him. They are setting up Johnny the Sack to be a major antagonist in the new season and could help lead to Tony’s downfall. DundunDUN! The Deceased: Livia Soprano – Livia was Tony’s mother and a constant thorn in his side. She was part of the reason he had to seek help. Sadly, the actress that played her passed away so they had to have her pass away on the show as well. They did show her on a few episodes post mortem and it was probably the worst use of special effects I have ever seen! Jackie Aprile – Jackie was the head of the Jersey mob until he passed away in episode three from cancer. He never really got a chance to do all that much. Jackie, Jr. – Jackie, Jr. was the son of Jackie, Sr and Tony promised that he would keep him out of trouble. Thanks to the influence of Ralphie (see below), Jackie, Jr. hatched this scheme to raid a mob card game to show he had balls. The idea backfired as he accidentally shot a made man. Though it was a tough decision, Jackie, Jr was rubbed out in the end of season three. Riche Aprile – Richie was Jackie’s brother who is in jail in season one. During season two he gets out and starts all sorts of trouble with Tony. At one point he starts dating his sister Janice and Janice is more than willing to do so in order to stick it to her brother. Before Tony can kill him, Janice does the dirty work for him. One night after abusing Janice, she went to another room and got a gun. She then proceeded to shoot Richie at the kitchen table. “Big Pussy” – Sal Bonsaparo was one of Tony’s best friends in the mob. During season two, the FBI had some dirt on him and he turned rat. Suspecting everyone BUT Sal, Tony was on a mission to find out who the rat was and was devastated to learn the truth. In the finale of season two, Tony took Sal out in a boat with Paulie and Silvio. After wrapping him in chains, they then shot him and tossed his body overboard. Ralphie – Ralphie was a very unpredictable mob captain with an awful temper. After Tony accused him of killing his beloved horse in a fire, a fight between the two ensued. After a brutal battle in Ralphie’s kitchen, Tony choked the life out of Ralphie and disposed of the body. No one except Tony and Christopher know what happened to Ralphie.
Carmine, Jr. – Son of Carmine, Sr. and the next in line to run things in NY. He probably won’t be around much longer. Artie Bucco – One of Tony’s childhood friends, Artie runs a restaurant with his wife. Artie always wanted to be a part of the mafia but just was never cut out for it. Hesh –- Hesh is a really old Jewish guy that is one of Tony’s trusted advisors. Since he is a Jew, he can never really be a part of the mob. Rosalie Aprile – The wife of the late Jackie Aprile and former girlfriend of Ralphie. She really isn’t very important, but they show her a lot. Dr. Elliot – Dr. Melfi’s shrink. She complains about Tony to him. Benny – A two-bit thug who is not very important. I just wanted to mention him because he played Vinny on the show “Doogie Howser, MD”.
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