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Movie Reviews Before I See Them! Ever since my first article about the movie reviews, ones of people have been thanking me left and right about how my advice has changed their movie experience. No longer they would be torn on which crappy advice to see, so alas the time has come again, I must give my advice once more! Some of these movies I saw a trailer for when I went to see "The Punisher" so I know from first hand experience that some of these are going to suck ass. Let's hope that's not the case for all of them! Soul Plane There's just nothing that this movie has to offer to me. Sure, a jumbo jet with hydraulics is funny for a fraction of a second, but beyond that...one can only imagine. The plot centers around Nashawn Wade being humiliated on a plane, taking the money he was rewarded from suing them and creating his own airline with SOUL. "Hilarity" ensues. One redeeming trait is that John Witherspoon is in it, but I doubt even he can't save this one from going down. Maybe if my Taurus was equipped with "spreewells" and I liked to skimp out on my cell phone bill, I'd take this comedy to heart. Until that happens... Review:
2/10 Godsend Why on earth you'd want a kid who couldn't cut it the first time, I don't know. Natural selection exists for a reason! The plot thickens when the boy reaches the age at which he died. For some odd reason he begins to have scary dreams about dying and the like, and turns evil. Aside from the obvious non-sensical plot dealing with dreams being intertwined in a single cell of DNA, This is sadly another jab at Deniro's career. Review:
3/10 Open Water Centering around a guy and girl who were scuba diving, and for some reason (to create this movie, perhaps?) they were left out in the middle of the ocean when their diving boat mysteriously vanished. They proceed to show shots of the divers from multiple different angles, zooming in and out, all the while they are crying and hugging. At some point, sea turtles begin harass them, and they blow it out of proportion and think it's a shark or something. I have no idea why, because the view of a scuba tank next to a human body isn't appealing to a shark. They go after surfers, they're tastier! All in all, don't bother. Review:
0/10 Spider-Man 2 This time around, he's fighting another famous spider-man villian, Doctor Octopus. If you hadn't heard, Doc Ock had 4 mechanical arms merged with him in a lab accident, and now he can control them...WITH HIS MIND. Of course he goes crazy and attacks everything, thus becoming the new villian. The movie will be filled to the brim with kick ass action scenes, plot twists, and insane cameos for every fanboy and girl to get their jollies from. I can honestly say this movie will rock. It will rock hard. Review:
12/10 Mean Girls Funny how well she speaks english with an American accent even when raised abroad...but we can't pay attention to things like that...it's a MOVIE! Mean Girls is full of teen popularity hijinks. The creativity lacks as well as any and all reason to go see this movie. Instead of seeing this, take a nap or something. Review:
1/10 The Village But now, the creatures want them out. After leaving red paint on the citizens doors, one of them walks into the forest, even though he's not supposed to, and you get wierd sound effects, all leading up to some imaginary suspense. M. Night is another director/writer that everyone craps themselves whenever he puts out a movie. He ran out of ideas during the production of "signs," and just kinda threw together a similar plot to get filmed. I honestly doubt any quality will be found anywhere in this movie. Review:
4/10 Some links to see on your own how these movies look:
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This
is undoubtedly another attempt to cash in on the current "urban"
trend going through today's youth. I can't say that I'd want to see this
even if I had a personal screening with Snoop D-oh-double-G himself.
Starring
Robert Deniro and some other people, Godsend deals with the sensitive
issue of today, human cloning. A kid dies, and a crazy doctor(Deniro)
tells the mourning family that he can make an identical copy of their
son. 
I
couldn't find a poster for Open Water offhand, so I made one. That's about
how scary the movie looks, sadly.
Spider-Man
is back!
Lindsey
Lohan, Hollywood's new "it girl" stars in Mean Girls, a movie
devoted to the apparent struggle between popular pre-teens in school.
Playing a student who has come from abroad and moved to downtown Chicago
to go to school. 
M.
Night Shalyawhatever's latest thriller is set in the late 1800s in rural
Pennsylvania in a small village by the name of Covington. They live in
a valley, nestled between forests that have supernatural somethings in
them.