For some reason or another, rather than fighting the affliction that makes their cholesterol level equal their yearly income, a lot of larger people have adopted the old adage "sticks and stones" in that they now think their extra weight makes them beautiful. I’m not talking about the people out there that have bigger butts or bellies that aren’t rock hard; I’m talking about the huge people who can’t complete such daunting tasks such as walking to the bathroom, or turning around.

Reading further into the article, statistics and quotes like "one-third of Americans are obese," "We are no longer a niche market," and "overweight people are the majority in this country" are thrown at you, compelling you to believe incredibly fat people are everywhere and going to take over your soul, so prepare for the invasion (P.S.: a 324-pound Mindy Sommers gave that last quote).

After getting a few good laughs, I browsed the sites that cater to "large people". Amongst the items I found on www.amplestuff.com were a large bib, one that rivals the lead vest that your dentist gives you.

Wow, now you can gorge yourself, and not suffer the embarrassment of having your clothes covered in your meal. Go YOU!

Of course, when you are that big, you have to have bragging rights about just how huge you are, so they have a 500-pound digital scale for you!

Now you can’t see anything below your chin, so they have a handy dandy extension so you can bring it up to eye level just to see the triple and quadruple digits your big butt is exerting on the scale. Oh, and for the REALLY big, they have a thousand pound scale. Just in case you and 5 other people would like to know how much you weigh, your search is over! The scale is here for you.

"Why is it so difficult to find a towel that will go completely around a larger person? The Super-Towel really fits—with room to spare. Most bath towels are 24" by 43". Even larger bath sheets are just 36" by 66". Our Super-Towel is 45" wide by 102" long, twice as large as a bath sheet and four times the size of the average bath towel.

Yeah! Think about it, 102 inches long. That is 8 and a half feet long. I really would shudder if I met someone who needed that much fabric to cover his or her body’s diameter. The reason its "so difficult" to find that huge of a towel is that those people have more inches in their waistline than height.

Now fitness is obviously important for anyone who is "plus-size," "husky," "big boned," or any other word that basically means "fat kid." That’s why they have many videos available to help stay in the round shape they’ve come accustomed to being.

"This video came out of the personal experiences of Milana, a full-figured African-American model. It's a combination of stretches, dance movements, and "centering", performed by several plus-size women and accompanied by African drum rhythms."

Wow, nothing makes you feel better than the personal experiences of Steve, the fat black model. Sounds harsh, yet it’s the politically incorrect way to say the same thing. She was probably born Jessica Smith and decided to shed the "slave name" her mother gave her and go with an Italian one (got me on this one, folks) She didn’t like the idea of being skinny like every other mal-nourished African, so she instead stayed lazy. She also modeled, probably on either the "you’re just discriminating against me because I’m black/fat/a woman/have an Italian name" when in reality, they probably just wanted someone who looked good. And it’s good that she includes some more plus-sized women, don’t want to discriminate against the skinny ones…wait a minute…..

Oh, and African drum rhythms, great that she keeps with her American-born roots and goes with African beats. Wait a second…

And for the artsy cow, they have a few things right up your alley. It’s even in book form, so you don’t have to waste precious calories moving around a statue or something similar to that.

The book is:

The description of the book from the site is:

"The extraordinary photos of powerful fat women in this book will change your image of beauty. The pictures and text combine to send the strongest possible message: "We will no longer let society define beauty!"

Funny, I don’t let society define beauty for me; I simply see it in the personalities of others. Physical beauty is icing on the cake. It’s great that you’re getting that message across "It’s ok to be massive! Health is NOT IMPORTANT!"

See, it wouldn’t bug me so much if we encouraged them to lose weight, not for aesthetic reasons, but for health ones. By me making fun of the huge things presented in that article, I’m probably deemed insensitive or just mean. I tell you I want everyone to be happy, and guess what, 5-10 years down the line when they get some sort of weight-related health issue, they’ll start then thinking about turning back the clock and fixing the problem, when they could have just thought about and worked towards a goal. Then, they’re unhappy about their looks, on top of that realization that they are super unhealthy. I’d rather they do something about it now then die and be bitter in the future.